A Special Writer's Block
I've always read about writers meeting with this stump in creativity when they can't seem to start off on a new project. Its not so much for the lack of ideas I believe, but rather for the lack of that drive, that push which comes from the heart. Sure mind can conjure up words and lyrical beauty but that rhythm, that verve must be rooted in the heart.
But what if your heart has something that cannot be put to words? What if the verve is so great that it cannot be contained in scrawlings on some pages? What if the passion which courses through your mind and hands makes you want to write but you don't know how to? There's nothing more frustrating. Yet nothing more beautiful.
As clichéd as it sounds, I face this block when it comes to this girl. This girl, about whom I've written thousands of words, spoken even more and yet I still can't even scratch the surface of the wonderment she is. This girl, who inspired in me something which I always thought I was incapable of - true selfless love. Yes if you put a conventional term to it then we are friends, and you can add superlatives to your liking - close, best, forever etc. We are all of those, yet none of those. As I said, if only words were so powerful. I love her, truly madly deeply, with almost a reverence kind of beauty to it. I've loved her through arguments, fights, separations, togetherness, patch ups and agreements. I've loved her from the first year bumbling carefree girl to the cultured gorgeous woman she's turning into. I've loved her from the point when I wanted her to be mine to the point when I want her to be simply happy and free. All her tiny eccentricities and quirks and mannerisms are captured in my mind. And I've tried to put all those together, her personality, her thoughts, her mannerisms and my love of course, to recreate that girl in my writing. Never have I failed more miserably in any endeavor so far. All I could achieve was a mere wisp of a shadow that she is.
Usually all this remains inside a cool exterior, but when this lava breaks the crust, and the fire urges me to write, I'm simply at a loss. How do I say that which I've said earlier too, which is a unique sensation every time, but the words that come out, not very much so? How do I tell her how much I adore her, what I think of her, what I learn from her, without parroting out the same phrases? I know there's plenty of room for maturity still and maybe with time my expressiveness will develop. But one thing I've understood clearly - words are not powerful enough to capture this world, its people, their emotions. Words are definitely not enough to encompass wholly, true love. Had it been so, innumerous problems would have been solved long ago.
But what if your heart has something that cannot be put to words? What if the verve is so great that it cannot be contained in scrawlings on some pages? What if the passion which courses through your mind and hands makes you want to write but you don't know how to? There's nothing more frustrating. Yet nothing more beautiful.
As clichéd as it sounds, I face this block when it comes to this girl. This girl, about whom I've written thousands of words, spoken even more and yet I still can't even scratch the surface of the wonderment she is. This girl, who inspired in me something which I always thought I was incapable of - true selfless love. Yes if you put a conventional term to it then we are friends, and you can add superlatives to your liking - close, best, forever etc. We are all of those, yet none of those. As I said, if only words were so powerful. I love her, truly madly deeply, with almost a reverence kind of beauty to it. I've loved her through arguments, fights, separations, togetherness, patch ups and agreements. I've loved her from the first year bumbling carefree girl to the cultured gorgeous woman she's turning into. I've loved her from the point when I wanted her to be mine to the point when I want her to be simply happy and free. All her tiny eccentricities and quirks and mannerisms are captured in my mind. And I've tried to put all those together, her personality, her thoughts, her mannerisms and my love of course, to recreate that girl in my writing. Never have I failed more miserably in any endeavor so far. All I could achieve was a mere wisp of a shadow that she is.
Usually all this remains inside a cool exterior, but when this lava breaks the crust, and the fire urges me to write, I'm simply at a loss. How do I say that which I've said earlier too, which is a unique sensation every time, but the words that come out, not very much so? How do I tell her how much I adore her, what I think of her, what I learn from her, without parroting out the same phrases? I know there's plenty of room for maturity still and maybe with time my expressiveness will develop. But one thing I've understood clearly - words are not powerful enough to capture this world, its people, their emotions. Words are definitely not enough to encompass wholly, true love. Had it been so, innumerous problems would have been solved long ago.
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