From a Feminist’s Friend

“I'm not some helpless girl that you need to go out of your way to make my life easier.”

“OK. Duly noted.”

“Good. Now you're staying up late with me. I've to put in 2k words before morning and I haven't even begun yet.”

“But…”

“Shut up. Go watch a movie and let me write. I'll call you when I'm done.”

Sigh.

It’s amusing to be friends with a feminist. Or to be politically correct as my friend would want, it’s amusing to be this feminist’s friend. Because it’s a live one woman show of ebony and ivory. A humorous display of yin and yang. Or simply put, a paradox. And this is about all the reasons why.

My camaraderie with her began during an internship. A bunch of young kids, from a college with too many restrictions, we were thrown together into the corporate world and suddenly were being treated like sensible adults! We were housed in the same hotel, with no chaperons. We tasted freedom like we never had before. And in this happy and uplifting setting, I became friends with her. I knew she was an independent girl not shy of voicing her thoughts from her reputation. What I did not know, was that she was a big time feminist.

In our time there, quite often I got to see this feminism in action. When I, or any one of us guys would rethink our plans accounting for safety of the girls, she'd pipe up and say, “We are neither helpless nor dumb. We know how to take care of ourselves.” Be it taking public transport, or the place we chose to visit, or the time by which we'd return, she always demanded that she be treated equally like any other guy. Sadly for her, the other girls were not so sporty about it so I'd just say “It's OK, we're not patronising anyone” and then stick to what the other girls were OK with. But then there were moments like this –

“We're going to so and so restaurant to celebrate our first stipend. Want to come?”

“Sure! Who all are coming?”

“So and so guys. The girls said no. Well?”

“I’d be the only girl? No ya, you people go ahead!”

Sigh.

One would think that a feminist would not think like this. It’s not even like she doesn't enjoy our company! Just the other day she spent hours with me and another guy just chatting. Then, I thought maybe it’s just this one time she’s deviating from character. But even after coming back to college, where all the rules had us chained again, the feminism was as fiery if not more, but so was the occurrence of these tiny paradoxes.

“I don't understand why my so and so friend requires validation and reassurance in almost everything from her boyfriend. She was such a free spirited person!”

“One does crazy things in love dear.”

“Hmm. OK tell me I look nice in this pic! You're not allowed to make fun of me. No smirks no wisecracks. My hair doesn't look too boyish does it?”

Sigh.

I know you'd say that’s still OK. And those who know me in person will say that it’s a pretty valid request and nothing un-feminist about it. It is simply human to look for acceptance and praise. Agreed some typecast things like these as being girlish or effeminate, but in all fairness to the fair half, I've had countless guys asking me, “सही लग रहा है न भाई तेरा ? (Bro, I’m looking good aren't I?)”. But what about this –

(Shares a post which says how daughters are unknowingly affected even by doting parents who say “आप तो राजा बेटा हो ! (You're my darling son)”)

“Yeah I read your share. Too dramatic for me.”

“Do you ever like anything? Or do you just love finding faults with everything?”

(Smirk) “Anyway, how’re you? You seemed a bit under the weather yesterday.”

(Baby voice on) “Yeah I caught cold again! मैं सो रहा हूँ अब !” (I'm sleeping now)

Sigh.

It’s not like I’m hurling accusations at her for being untrue to her ideals at times. Who among us mortals isn’t? It’s just fun to watch the internal struggle that goes on inside her. And in a way every one of us struggles with such a conflicting set of ideals within us. One is what was hammered into our subconscious in the defining years of our life; the other is what our conscious mind now approves of, given our inclinations. It’s a constant battle between our estimated self and a projected image which we believe is better, approved, appreciated and loved. There’s a paradox within everyone. And that’s why, when you get to know someone, you can always find something hilariously interesting. Like this –

“You care too much. You should act indifferent a little, and then see how girls flock to you.”

“Maybe you're right!”

“I'm always right! Now listen it's my birthday week so I'm expecting to be pampered. Say all nice things about me OK?”

Sigh.

Smile.