They Spoke To Me
Thank you all for coming today. It is true, my father didn't have many friends in life and even among those, there were so few who kept in touch. They're not entirely to blame as he did lead a rather eccentric life and even I, his only son, had difficulties keeping up with him a lot of times. I'm sure all of you have felt the same at some point. However, here we are because we all loved him. Today, I'd like to say a few words about him and his life, in hopes that you'd find explanations as I did, and that you find closure as I did.
If there is a land of immortals on earth, it is this, or rather any library in this world, for monuments whither, and deeds are forgotten, but the written word survives ages. The irony then, of having a wake at a library is not lost on me, and that is what I first regarded the idea as, just one of his witty jokes, his most eccentric and final. But then I went on a journey, of the times and conditions in which he grew up, what he faced, fought, embraced and soldiered on. It doesn't seem like a joke anymore.
My grandparents were horrible people, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I was lucky that I had my father around to protect me when I was little. Alas, no one had stepped in for him and he had to do it all by himself. Wholesome love and support can't be expected from a raging alcoholic and a philandering socialite, but neglect would have been better than to be locked inside the library for hours and sometimes even days without food, water and heat. That was his childhood. And that is when he developed schizophrenia, and the books came alive to him. Yes, he had a mental disorder he kept hidden from all of us almost his entire life, of which I find out only a few days prior to his parting. I asked him, "But why dad? I can understand you hiding it back in your days but why now? We could have helped you!" He replied with that ever-present impish smile, "I didn't need help! They're my friends, they spoke to me!"
What did they speak?
Max (Where The Wild Things Are), Meg (A Wrinkle In Time), Little Bear (A Kiss for Little Bear), Ralph (The Mouse and The Motorcycle), Jim (Treasure Island), all of these became his playmates and their sandbox was this fantastical world of imaginations and infinite possibilities, where no matter how bitter-sweet, there was always happiness in the end. Further in his boyhood, no matter how bleak his reality be, there was always an adventure to be had with Tom Sawyer (Adventures of Tom Sawyer), and Alice (Alice in Wonderland), and D'artagnian (Three Musketeers) and Robinson Crusoe. And when adolescence set in, who could possibly understand his angst better than Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye)? Yes, with age he did ultimately develop some social abilities and found a few friends outside of the library, but all those stories, those characters, stayed with him, animated and very much alive. He had always been shy and reticent in meeting new people, but his eyes would sparkle with every new book they fell upon and every new character his beautiful mind brought to life. In fact, he fell in love with my mother at first sight, because she was exactly as he had thought Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing) would be in real life!
"That is why I always wanted you to read books! Not because one day I'd leave you, oh no my boy, you're not getting rid of me so easy, haha! But because there are things in this world which even I won't be able to shield you from. You have to have a Chief Bromden, a Randle (One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) with you to keep you going, even if the world thinks you are crazy! Just as you need Oscar Wilde and his life to caution you that this world gives you only so much leeway in your pursuit of happiness." Those were his last words to me before unconsciousness took over.
Thus, this relationship, this unwavering companionship with books in life kept him together as he got hurt and left behind by many. And now it is my goal, to write a book about him, his life and his special bond with books, so that one day, he comes alive in this world of immortality, and is reunited with his friends who loved him so. Also, I hope that I do justice to your memories, so that in that book, you may find the oddball you loved so much.
If there is a land of immortals on earth, it is this, or rather any library in this world, for monuments whither, and deeds are forgotten, but the written word survives ages. The irony then, of having a wake at a library is not lost on me, and that is what I first regarded the idea as, just one of his witty jokes, his most eccentric and final. But then I went on a journey, of the times and conditions in which he grew up, what he faced, fought, embraced and soldiered on. It doesn't seem like a joke anymore.
My grandparents were horrible people, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I was lucky that I had my father around to protect me when I was little. Alas, no one had stepped in for him and he had to do it all by himself. Wholesome love and support can't be expected from a raging alcoholic and a philandering socialite, but neglect would have been better than to be locked inside the library for hours and sometimes even days without food, water and heat. That was his childhood. And that is when he developed schizophrenia, and the books came alive to him. Yes, he had a mental disorder he kept hidden from all of us almost his entire life, of which I find out only a few days prior to his parting. I asked him, "But why dad? I can understand you hiding it back in your days but why now? We could have helped you!" He replied with that ever-present impish smile, "I didn't need help! They're my friends, they spoke to me!"
What did they speak?
Max (Where The Wild Things Are), Meg (A Wrinkle In Time), Little Bear (A Kiss for Little Bear), Ralph (The Mouse and The Motorcycle), Jim (Treasure Island), all of these became his playmates and their sandbox was this fantastical world of imaginations and infinite possibilities, where no matter how bitter-sweet, there was always happiness in the end. Further in his boyhood, no matter how bleak his reality be, there was always an adventure to be had with Tom Sawyer (Adventures of Tom Sawyer), and Alice (Alice in Wonderland), and D'artagnian (Three Musketeers) and Robinson Crusoe. And when adolescence set in, who could possibly understand his angst better than Holden Caulfield (Catcher in the Rye)? Yes, with age he did ultimately develop some social abilities and found a few friends outside of the library, but all those stories, those characters, stayed with him, animated and very much alive. He had always been shy and reticent in meeting new people, but his eyes would sparkle with every new book they fell upon and every new character his beautiful mind brought to life. In fact, he fell in love with my mother at first sight, because she was exactly as he had thought Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing) would be in real life!
"That is why I always wanted you to read books! Not because one day I'd leave you, oh no my boy, you're not getting rid of me so easy, haha! But because there are things in this world which even I won't be able to shield you from. You have to have a Chief Bromden, a Randle (One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) with you to keep you going, even if the world thinks you are crazy! Just as you need Oscar Wilde and his life to caution you that this world gives you only so much leeway in your pursuit of happiness." Those were his last words to me before unconsciousness took over.
Thus, this relationship, this unwavering companionship with books in life kept him together as he got hurt and left behind by many. And now it is my goal, to write a book about him, his life and his special bond with books, so that one day, he comes alive in this world of immortality, and is reunited with his friends who loved him so. Also, I hope that I do justice to your memories, so that in that book, you may find the oddball you loved so much.
Comments
Post a Comment